These last nearly 11 weeks have been trying, to say the least, but I've been doing my absolute best to keep thinking positive, to keep searching for the good in life, to keep pushing onward. Because breaking down, wallowing in despair, freaking out, it doesn't help anything. Are you allowed to cry when something bad happens, yes. Are you allowed to keep crying for hours, days, weeks, months, etc., no. You need to move forward, to move on. Even if you don't have kids (which obviously I do) you need to move forward.
That being said, Ladybug has always seemed to be a bit more negative than positive. She doesn't know how to react mildly to anything. It's hard to constantly be the one who is sharing news with her knowing that it's going to be a huge freak out when you do. If I could avoid telling her, I do, but I can't always avoid it and nor should I. She needs to become used to processing bad news now while she's young so she can better cope and deal with things when she's older.
So in addition to trying my very best to deal and process all that's going on in my life, when I do have to tell Ladybug something, it's very difficult for me to let her go on for long because I just want support, even if it's from my 11 year old. I think she should and could be supportive. I have realized that she's just not mature enough for it yet. But then again there are things I can't keep from her because it's going to happen or is happening and she needs to know. It's a never ending cycle.
So I've been thinking that we have this brand new car we purchased in March and we really can't afford the payments at this time, especially not knowing if he will ever drive again. So I tried to take it back to the dealer I bought it from yesterday. I cleaned the whole thing out too in anticipation that I would be Ubering home. I found out that even if they offer me most of my loan amount that I would have to pay the remaining balance immediately. I don't have that kind of money. I'm apparently waiting for the Sales Managers contact at Wells Fargo to call me. Hopefully something can be worked out. I love the car, but I can't afford it. It's like even trying to do the right thing and give it back just bites me in the butt.
THEN yesterday I received a phone call from the new rehab place we want Hubby to go into and they STILL don't know if they are going to take him or not. This was AFTER I signed the discharge paperwork for Hubby at the current place. He can't stay there after Thursday. So I am beyond frustrated with this whole situation as it's keeping my life in Limbo. I can't plan anything because of this. It's frustrating.
But there are so many good things happening as well. We just have to look for them. I was able to get some art done this last weekend. I'm going to do some more epoxy on them so I can get more available to sell. I want to get a table done before the weather turns as well. I have to clean it and sand it. Maybe this weekend I will have time and then Hubby, Ladybug and I can fix it up. That would be fun. I have a vision for what I want and I will continue to reach for it. I'm also hoping this weekend I can go down and pick up some more rounds from my Dad to begin doing smaller rounds for people as well (again we make them into Lazy Susan's, centerpieces, wall art, clocks, etc.). The possibilities are endless.
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