Tuesday, March 29, 2011

A Morning with 007, Ladybug and Ladybug's "Friends"

Today I volunteered to help at Ladybug’s school.  I planted Teddy Bear Sunflower seeds with the kids.  (See Picture)  I have admired her teacher for a long time now.  She’s as smooth with the children as James Bond was with the ladies, it’s utterly amazing to see.  So anyway, 007 had asked me to come in at nine o clock when school usually starts and we would begin this project.  I had spent a little bit of time (during drop off and pick up and then when we had show in tell with Ladybugs kitty) in the classroom already so I knew a little bit what to expect.  Now 007 has two grown girl children and they have their own children so she’s been there and done that.  She now lives with her husband and various pets in a quiet little condo community in my town near her mother who is in her 80’s or 90’s.  (you can see I talk a lot to the people who are important in my child’s life).  I have always believed that it takes a village to raise a child.  I mean heck, I am fairly new at this with my daughter only being 4 and the other kids not coming to live with us until the youngest was 10.  Sure, I have babysat, watched, and generally helped raise my fair share of children when I was much younger so I have some experience but nothing in comparison to what I go through now 24/7. 

I have certain expectations (all mothers do) when it comes to my child or children.  I expect them to behave when we are out in public (more so than when they are home) so they don’t make me look bad.  (Honestly … you all have to admit it.  As much as you don’t care what other people think, when your kids act up in public you are very embarrassed to even admit that you know them, much less that you are primarily responsible for raising them.)  

I expected to be able to go into the classroom and do my thing with the kids, take some pictures of my Ladybug “in action” playing with the other kids or being as good as gold.  Good Lord I live in a fantasy world.  The teachers, other parents or whomever should warn other parents that when you help in your child’s classroom that they will not be the same child that they are when you are not there. They will be clingy, whining, bossy, overbearing, and all in all an embarrassment to know.  Now, I understand that it probably wasn’t that bad.  In fact, the teacher even mentioned on multiple occasions that she is a very well behaved, polite girl to have in the classroom. 

We started off outside.  The kids are practicing their songs for Back to School Night later in April.  After convincing Ladybug that she needed to sit with the rest of her class and listen to her teacher they did some talking and singing.  Then 007 and I went inside briefly to decide what the game plan was.  I had dropped all the supplies needed in the classroom (I had extra from home) the night before.  I set up a little (very little) table with the small Jiffy pots (the ones that you can plant directly into the ground after the seeds sprout), the Seed Starter Soil, the seeds and the tray so we wouldn’t get water everywhere.

After setting up the kids came inside to sit on the round rug and 007 read them “Planting a Rainbow” (a very cute book BTW).  While she was trying to read this book Ladybug was trying to sit next to me, in my lap, behind me and could not sit still.  I was getting very irritated with her.  I wondered “In situations like this who is the person who is supposed to tell her to knock this crap off?!?!?!  Me?  Or 007?”  So I tried to ignore her, thinking she might take the hint and sit quietly and listen to the story.  That didn’t work, she kept trying to softly talk to me about something and I finally was whispering to her to sit still and be quiet just like the other children.  She kept insisting that she “had” to tell me something.  I thought, “This might be important or not but at least it might get her quiet.”  I asked her what it was and she asked “Mommy, when we get home can we garden?”  (OK …. Is the sky blue?  We garden almost every single day that the sun is out.)  I told her yes and she was able to sit still for another minute or so before wiggling again.  I was thinking for sure that 007 was testing me in some way, to see how I would handle this situation.  The other kids were wiggling too, but they weren’t sitting in my lap so I didn’t notice as much.  007 finally said, “OK everyone needs to sit on their bottom and cross their legs.  The only one who is allowed to wiggle is Ladybug because her Mommy is here today and she’s very excited.  It’s hard to sit still when your Mommy is here in the classroom helping out.”  Wow… that made me feel better. 

After the story, Ladybug was able to pick three friends to help get chairs and put them at my table.  I was surprised with the friends she picked because they were not the ones that she ever mentions when she is telling me about her day.  We all sat down and then I proceeded to do my best in teaching the kids what they needed to know about planting a seed.  Turned out pretty well I think.  I asked each child their name and how to spell it, so I could write it on their pots.  Most of them knew how to spell it, some didn’t.  Ladybug wanted me to put her nickname instead of her real name on her cup.  It’s kinda funny because she can and will write her nickname on all her school paperwork, things at home, sign cards, etc. instead of using her real name.  I wonder how long that will last, her preferring her nickname (she calls it her Good Name) over her real name (or her Bad Name).  When I was done with the first batch of kids the second batch was right there ready for me.  So I started all over again.  I figured Ladybug would go paint the other project like the other kids but she mostly stayed with me.  She “helped” me with the next batch of kids and the last batch too. 

She’s a great helper but I felt bad because I thought the other kids would get upset or jealous but that didn’t happen.  They were all happy as clams.  After we were all done and cleaned up, it was time for me to go.  The kids all said “Thank You!” and some little girls (including Ladybug) were very sad to see me go.  They asked why I couldn’t stay and when I would be back to pick up Ladybug.  I went home to the peace and quiet of my computer desk.  Where I can work on the things that need to be done with limited interruptions. 

I look outside and I hear the birds chirping.  It’s a beautiful day.  I can’t wait to get out and garden later before the mosquitoes are out in force.  I need to get my Sweet Pea flowers in the ground very soon.  It’s time for them to be outside instead of inside.  I can’t wait to see my flowers in the summer.  I have some Tulips blooming right now (see picture).  It’s beautiful to see something that you planted from bulb or seed to grow into a healthy flower. 

My next blog… My Husbands fantasy world.

Tuesday, March 22, 2011

Ladybug, Baby Lizard and Cassie the Procrastinator

I have had some people ask for an update about the lizard (who Ladybug calls Baby Lizard).  He is still happily living in the birdhouse/feeder and we check on his almost daily.  Ladybug colored him a small picture and put it in there.  He uses it as a blanket. 

The other day as I was preparing Ladybug for her Easter Pictures I was brushing her hair and noticed there was a spot in the front that was a lot shorter than it should have been.  I asked her about it…

First, she tried to tell me that she cut it because she was tired of having long hair and wanted it short like mine.  I didn’t really believe this at all because I know that she really loves her long hair.  She’s usually pretty good about taking care of it and will even go and brush it herself in the mornings and night.  So I told her if that’s what she wanted to do I would make an appointment with my hair dresser friend the next week and get it cut for her. 

She paused and then launched into this tirade about how there was a part of her hair that was all messed up and would “stick up all over” and she was really mad about it so decided to cut it herself instead of talking to me about it and getting her hair done so it wouldn’t be in her way.   

It didn’t look too bad really (see picture).  It bothered me that she used her scissors to cut her hair.  So we took them away for the day and had a very long talk about what to do if she has a problem with her hair next time.  It could have been a lot worse for sure. 


I have an ongoing battle with my 15-year-old (Cassie, short for Procrastinator).  She has very poor school habits that she clings to like it’s the last piece of pizza in the buffet.  So I tried to work with her on these things, offering help, trying to get her to talk to her teachers if she didn’t understand things, creating a schedule so she might be better organized in life and also have dedicated homework time every day.  I started the grounding after these things didn’t seem to help.  I told her that she couldn’t go to her friends on the weekends (one of her favorite pastimes) unless she turning in all her late/missing assignments.  I had a list and come Friday I wanted to know that they were done or she couldn’t go over to her friend’s house.   She told me they were done and I would later find out that not only were they NOT done but after the weekend away more stuff was missing.  I decided to then take away her phone, internet, and spending time with her friends.  On the night I told her that she had 20 minutes to say good-bye to her friends and I needed her cell phone I received a text saying “I know you will judge me but I am coming out of the closet.  I am Bi and am dating ****”.   My first thought to this was “What does this have to do with your terrible grades?!?!?!”   I did not text her that though.  I came up with something “Politically Correct” like “Ok, regardless of that you still have to get your grades up so I will need your phone in 10 minutes.” 

This was a couple of months ago.  I was hoping to see her grades improve.  She goes to tutoring for her math class three times a week and sits down at the table (I see her) for her dedicated 2 hours to do homework, but her grades are still awful. 

One night, I am not sure what started me thinking about it but I wanted to find her cell phone.  I looked in the place I normally keep it (my nightstand drawer) and I couldn’t find it … so I looked it other places thinking I might have put it elsewhere and forgot.  I couldn’t find it anywhere in my room.  I was beginning to get very angry.  I went to the room she shares with her two older sisters and asked to speak with her.  I asked her “Where is your cell phone?”  She said (can you believe it), “It was an emergency!!!”  OK … What kind of cell phone emergency could she have had?  If there was an emergency she could have used to house phone (which is hooked up in her room) or borrowed her sisters phone.  I called her on her BS right there and told her to get me her phone AND the charger.  When she brought them to me I asked her what made her think that she could go through my stuff and look for ANYTHING!!  I was SO mad.  I figured she could be grounded forever at this point I could care less.  However, I came up with something better.  I told her (when I could stand to talk to her again without being pissed) that if I EVER found out that she went through my things again OR was doing things that she was grounded from that I would take her cell phone, put it in a Ziploc bag and pound it with a hammer.  (The Ziploc makes for easy clean up)  That got her attention.  So far the phone is still in its new hiding spot. 

So now this leads me to my next quandary with this situation.  I won’t let Blue, who is 17, spend the night at her boyfriend’s house because I feel that she needs to wait until she is 18.  (Please don’t ask me to explain this … I just don’t think she needs to be spending the night at her boyfriend’s house before she’s 18 or older.  She needs to experience sneaking around to have sex just like the rest of us did).  However, if Cassie IS bi-sexual (and I have no problems with it one way or the other) then how can I let her spend the night at her friend’s house even if they are just girls?!?!  In fact, how can I let her spend the night at ANY of her friends’ houses after this?  I wouldn't let Blue spend the night at a boys house even if they weren’t dating.  I also can’t really let the friend stay here either (even though I would supervise them) because I wouldn’t let Blue’s BF spend the night.  Here is my thing.  Life isn’t fair and sometimes the rules you have for one you can’t have for the other.  I like Cassie’s friends and wouldn't mind them spending the night here.  I also like Blue’s BF but wouldn't want him to spend the night here.   Maybe it’s because I don’t think that Cassie would “do anything” here but Blue might?  I am not sure. 

It’s still a mystery.  I am open to any suggestions.

Tuesday, March 15, 2011

Ladybug, Lizards and Cats... Oh My!

This morning has been exciting.  Last night while Ladybug and I were checking out the emerging plants and flowers, she decided that she wanted to check out the old birdhouse that we put some bird seed in to see if there were any birds in there.  So, we go over and I open the side and quickly close it because instead of seeing a bunch of bird seed or even a bird I saw a lizard!  I more startled than anything.  Ladybug was asking me what I saw.  I told her a lizard but I wasn’t sure if it was alive.  She wanted to see.  I lifted her up and opened the side again and it still hadn’t moved.  In fact it looked like it’s little front hand (paw, foot??) had been smooshed in the “door” that I was using to look inside.  I put Ladybug down and got a stick (No I am not about to stick my hand inside the birdhouse/feeder and mess with the lizard with my bare hands, even if they don’t bite … they don’t bite, do they?)  I pushed him around a bit with the stick but it didn’t look like he was breathing or alive at all.  I told Ladybug that maybe a bird had almost eaten him and he got away but didn’t make it (sadly).  She decided that she needed to show her Daddy this (who wasn’t home) and that the lizard needed to come home and “live with her” and if I saw another dead lizard to tell her because she would put it in the birdhouse/feeder with the other one.  (ok I know that’s like three completely different things that she wants to do with it but she’s 4 .. what do you expect?)

Anyway, hubby came home last night around 8:30.  Ladybug was supposed to have been asleep at 7 but was still WIDE awake.  She excitedly told him that they needed to go outside right then and look at the dead lizard.  He was able to convince her that it was dark and cold and after Ladybug checked with me (for permission because what I say goes I guess) she was ok with that, but told him to wake her up in the morning so they could check it out together.  He told her he was leaving for work early and wouldn’t be able to wake her.  She didn’t go to sleep until about 9ish and got up about 10:40 because she had wet the bed.  (The fun never stops).  I changed her stuff, threw the rest in the washer and went back to bed.  This morning on my way out to drive Ladybug and her oldest sister Pink (again … due to the color hair she sported for a while… now it’s dark brown and turquoise blue but I digress) off at school she wanted to stop and look in to see if the lizard was in there.  Lucky for me it was too dark to see anything.  She was excited to check it out after school.

When I got home I was emailing back and forth with my mom and had told her about the dead lizard and after she asked me “You are NOT letting her keep a dead lizard – are you?”  I told her “You think I am crazy?  Heck no I am not letting her take the lizard.  I am going to "let the lizard go" and she can think that it was just sleeping.”  

So after I finished eating I bravely went back outside to check the birdhouse/feeder.  I donned on a garden glove (why couldn’t I have gotten both?) and opened it up.  To find the lizard back where he was the night before, BEFORE I moved him with my stick.  So either 

1. A bird had come in and played with him while we were inside or 

2. He wasn’t dead, was very much alive and was trying to get out of the cold.  

So I grabbed my trusty stick again and tried to encourage him to come out of the birdhouse/feeder and he clung for dear life to the side of the birdhouse.  Not sure what I wanted to do, I pushed him back inside and I decided to go inside to think it over.
Ladybug has a cat.  We rescued her from the pound almost 2 years ago now.  She LOVES this cat and this cat is perfect for her.  I couldn’t have found/picked a better feline companion for my overly active little girl.  Anyway, this cat has a tendency of being a HUGE pain in the butt.  She will lie down in the middle of the hall or walkway and not move (like other more scared cats might) if she sees someone coming.  For someone who is legally blind without corrective vision and who walks around without said corrective vision at night… this can be troublesome.  I figure if I fall… well it probably won’t end up well for the cat, to put it mildly.  She’s not fat or lazy just doesn’t seem to know or care when she should move out of the way.  Most of the other people in this house barely put up with her because of this.  I, however, will put up with it and more because she’s the cat that will let Ladybug pick her up, hold her, carry/drag her around in a laundry basket, put into “time-out” in the bathroom or tub (depending on Ladybug’s mood I guess), and an assortment of other things I am sure with little to no protest.  In fact the other day I was getting ready for a shower and saw Ladybug holding her cat and opening up her mouth (which the cat gladly did) in order to shove a cat treat down her throat.  That was a close one.

Anyway, this morning after the whole lizard thing I realized that I hadn’t heard, seen, tripped on the cat.  In fact I can’t remember when was the last time I saw the cat.  We have four cats.  Three black cats and one Siamese mix.  Ladybug’s cat is the Siamese Mix.  So trust me, in my house it’s not hard to see her.  Now the other three… that’s another story.  I remember Ladybug telling me last night or yesterday morning sometime that she woke up because there was a cat meowing and scratching on her door (which never happens) but I didn’t think anything of it and just went into her room and turned up her Winnie the Pooh CD so she could get back to sleep.  If this is when she was “lost” it was yesterday morning and after a little while it was time to get ready for school anyway so we got dressed and went on with our day.  (What a great pet owner and Mom huh?) 

So I began looking for her, calling out her name, looking everywhere I could think of, inside, outside (even though she’s an indoor cat), in the older girls room (with a flashlight to check under the beds), in the garage, outside all around the yard (we live on some property AND it’s raining… my shoes and socks are soaked), inside the old kennel that the owner of our property uses as storage (yuck spider webs), text messaged my neighbors so they could keep a look out, back inside, even The Boy’s room (which is above and beyond in my personal opinion)  I was worried beyond belief thinking of how upset Ladybug would be if I couldn’t find her before it’s time to pick her up from school… then I thought, “Hm, I wonder if she MIGHT be in Ladybug’s closed closet?!?!”  I opened up the door and look down to see these two very bright blue eyes staring up at me before running off down the hall.  Now to my credit, she didn’t run for the litter box, food or water.  So maybe she wasn’t in there for the better part of two days.  I text messaged everyone telling them that I found her, but feel very dumb all the same.  

My personal opinion… what Ladybug doesn’t know, can’t hurt her.  

Now, what do I do about the poor hibernating lizard in the birdhouse/feeder?

Friday, March 11, 2011

Mommy, your Potty smells.....


You ever have those days that you know that you did a lot but when you look back you couldn’t even pin point one thing that happened??  Ok I am having one of those weeks.  It’s Friday and I can’t believe all that I didn’t get done!  I have been able to “catch up” on the kids doctor appointments, physicals etc. so that’s one thing!  I was able to visit a friend which was also great.  I have had NO time at all though for gardening.  My laundry is still in piles that need to be hung up too.  HOWEVER, I have gotten some clutter, mess and all around stuff done around the house… just nothing finished all the way. 


I think I forgot to mention that all 5 kids still live at home.  And to be honest, there is no light at the end telling me that they will ever leave.  Of them all The Boy needs to go first.  The others pull their weight, are respectful and aren't more trouble than they are worth.

I just got back from taking my 17-year-old stepdaughter (We'll call her Blue because she had blue hair for nearly a year) to the doctor for a check-up.  (I got a free Guzmania plant on the way out because the person who takes care of the inside plants at the doctors office was giving away the old ones and putting new ones in.)  Anyway, back to Blue.  I am so proud of her and how she has been for the past couple of months.  She was always the child that I worried the most about.  We have had her with us for nearly 5 years now (wow where has the time gone?).  I remember when the girls came to “visit” and ended up never leaving.  I was about 4 months pregnant with Ladybug.  We lived in a two bedroom, 1 bathroom apartment.   The Boy (20 now) was already living with us since he was 12.  We had a family of six, one being pregnant, sharing that small space until Ladybug was about 7 months old and we were able to move into a four bedroom, 3-bathroom house.  We found out a few months after moving that my quiet, moody 12-year-old stepdaughter had a problem with drugs, alcohol, and cutting herself.  

I knew she had problems but did not realize how bad they were.  Their mother had joined the Army (to get a better handle on her life) and wasn’t in touch with them or us.  They still don’t talk to her much (just rare emails etc.)  Anyway, she’s been clean and sober for a year on March 13th, there is no sign of cutting, and she treats me as if I am a real person, not just a parent.  I remember the day when I came home from work before picking up Ladybug from school.  I hurriedly asked the room (there were two girls in it) “Hey how was your day?” not expecting to get a response.  She said “It was good, how was yours?”  OMG I thought I would die of shock!  I recovered somewhat quickly and I think it was an ok response.  It was very nice to not just be the person who gave her rides and would ground her for not doing well in school.  I never thought I would see the day where I could ask her (and trust her) to watch Ladybug.  My general rule is “If they don’t want to watch her then I don’t want them watching her.”  I know teens don’t normally like to watch their younger siblings but it’s great to sometimes get some help.  I was able to go to a Gardening Workshop two weekends in a row (for 4 hours each weekend) and she helped watch her. 

I talked to her about getting a job where her sister works as a sign waver.  Its $10 an hour and that would be great for her all around.  That conversation went very well.  She’s talking to her sister about it now.  I hope that something can come of it.  I am just still amazed.

Now, the other night, I was putting Ladybug to bed.  It was the SSDD with a couple of stories, then lights out for a song, then turn on her Pooh CD, etc. All was going well (I thought), I had just finished the story and was sitting on her bed.  I asked her to go turn off the light.  She had her big, nice, soft, warm blanket with her when she came back and was standing in front of me.  She smelled her blanket, then leaned over and smelled me.  Then she said “Mommy, your Potty smells!”  Gee just what you want to hear from your 4 year old.  I tried to use that as a great excuse to rush bedtime so I could go shower but that didn’t happen.  Anyway, I got her down, listening to Pooh and was getting ready for a shower when she came in with her blanket and said “Mommy, I forgot to tell you something.  It’s my blanket that smells bad on part of it.  Your potty doesn’t smell.  Could you wash my blanket for me please?  I can’t sleep with it when it smells.”  Ah, isn’t it nice to know that my hygiene was good all along?!?!  NO those 20 minutes of thinking that my “Potty” smelled were awful.  We washed the blanket, I loaned her “my” blanket (which is really just the spare for her when she needs it) and off to bed she went. 

Sigh….silence, priceless.  

Tuesday, March 8, 2011

Blog Intro


I am in my early 30’s and a stepmother to 4 children ages 22, 20, 17 and 15.  I also have a very active 4 year old.  4 girls and a boy!  I love them all but they drive me nuts sometimes.  It’s the “I have to laugh or I will cry” concept.  My husband works as an independent contractor for technical things (please… don’t ask me much more than that.  J) so he is on the road a lot and works odd hours.  So when something comes up with the kids it’s up to me to handle it.  The mother of the 4 older kids isn’t in the picture.  My husband and I haven’t heard from her in years and she hasn’t paid child support in longer than that. 

I have been mostly unemployed since 2009.  I have worked a few temporary and contract positions but nothing that’s worked out.  I started working at a great place that is in the vegetable seed industry and LOVED it.  I had high hopes that it would be my forever job even though it was 45 minutes away from my house.  I work as an Executive or high level Administrative Assistant and I am damn good at what I do.  That was part of the problem with my last job.  I worked myself out of a job and they didn’t have enough work for me to do. 

So this is week two of unemployment.  I would have thought I would have more done around the house but I don’t.  I go through times (at least twice a day) where I wish I could hire someone to come in and do a detailed cleaning job on my house. 

Last week on Monday two of my kids were sick and needed to go to the doctor.  So day one of “freedom” was out.  (J)  Tuesday!!  YEAH.  Kids went to school and I did some work in the house.  I was able to get out of the house in the afternoon and work in the yard.  I live on some land and we have a small ditch in the backyard.  It has rained a lot here lately and there was a lot of stuff blocking it so my husband worried that we would get water in the garage if it wasn’t fixed soon.  I went out with my shovel, loppers, and rake and tackled the biggest, baddest, thorniest, plants I have ever seen.  Made me wish for rose gloves (the gloves with longer “sleeves” so I wouldn’t get all cut up).  An hour and a half later it was done.  My main purpose though wasn’t to clean out the ditch (originally).  It was to plant some Astilbe plants in my backyard that had been shipped to me a few days before.  I had a meeting so I worked quickly to get two out of the eight plants in the ground and then took a quick shower and left.  Meeting went well and afterwards I figured I should pick up the kids then rush home to finish up in the backyard because it was supposed to rain the next day.  My 4 year old LOVES to help me garden.  She LOVES to look for worms and ladybugs and will be out there the entire time I am “helping” me.  We had a blast. 

Gardening is my new hobby.  I have been playing around with it for a couple years but have gone crazy this year with seeds, bulbs, mail order, tools, etc.  I have started some seeds inside.  God help me that they grow!!  Ladybug (the 4 year old) was helping me do the indoor seed starting this weekend since it was raining all day on Sunday.  I felt like I spent most of the day gritting my teeth and telling her to stop doing something.  I still had a good time but it was a day where she was pushing my patience the entire time her eyes were open. 

Before I worked myself out of a job my hubby was asking me to put together a budget so he could figure out how much he had to work and still be able to go to school to get his degree.  He is SO close yet so far away from his degree.  So I just got off the phone with Hubby and he was telling me again to put together a budget with what I will get from EDD and the monthly bills so we could figure out where we could cut back and how much he would need to work.  I know that this conversation wasn’t meant to make me feel like the scum of the earth but somehow … it did.  I feel like crying because I somehow let him and the family down.  Even though I know that I have done all I can to make sure that I get a new job ASAP… it falls short somehow. 

OK that’s enough this time.  I have to get back to some laundry before I get to make the rounds to pick up the kids.  Until I write again….