It really bothers me being around people who are primarily negative. I went through a long period in my life when I was younger being very negative thinking I was realistic. I look back now and realize it was negativity. I wonder how people could have wanted to spend time with me.
You see, when I was about Ladybug's age (12) and a tad older I lived at home with both my parents and my older brother (by two years). Mom and Dad both worked full time outside the house my entire life. They both were very hard workers who rarely took time off without a darn good reason. My Dad has always suffered depression and is bipolar. It was.... interesting growing up with him. Not bad necessarily but interesting. I think most people could say that as no two people are alike. Anyway Dad had his issues and dealt with that by working, a lot, and working overtime, a lot. So he was a workaholic. Mom worked standard hours and we saw her MUCH more. When I became the negative age I felt unwanted. Looking back now I see that my Dad was struggling with his own issues. He didn't hate me or want to get rid of me, he was just struggling. My Mom who often took on the issues of the household solely onto her shoulders was tired and wanted downtime at the end of the day (after making us dinner) and the weekends. We didn't go out and do things together. I remember asking just to go to the park for a picnic and we never did (as I was a teenager at the time). It really disappointed me.
I spent a LOT of time with my paternal grandmother when I was a teen. We ended up being VERY close. It's her and her want and need to spend time with me that surprises me. Why would she WANT to spend time with me, being as negative as I was?? I can handle some from Ladybug but sometimes it gets overwhelming. I struggle with anxiety, panic attacks, major sleep issues and some depression at this time as well. There are some days that I get overwhelmed but I still have to push to do things that I would prefer NOT to do.
Yesterday Hubby and I went on a couple of jobs about 90 minutes away and close to where his Mother, Sister and Aunt live. So after job #1 didn't go and job #2 was pretty quick we went over there for pizza, cake and company. While there we requested job #3 which was on the way home. OMG job #3 took FOREVER. I put swapped the new switch with an old switch that ended up being the WRONG switch and had to install the old switch again then had to install the new switch where it was supposed to go and this all took place inside of a McDonald's that was inside of a Walmart. I've been doing Hubby's work for sometime now (since he can't do it physically anymore) and there are some majorly dirty messy jobs. I'm getting used to the ceiling in my hair and dirt and dust and who knows what else but THIS?!?!?! This was greasy dirt that was not easily removed. Finally after 3 hours we were done and on the way home.
Ladybug who had been home this whole time (12 hours on her own) was anxious and wanted to go out etc. She stayed home because the other day one of the Chinchilla's had babies and she needed to keep an eye on them. Anyway, I get home, covered in greasy dirt, get Hubby his sandwich from earlier get him set up in the livingroom and then leave again w/ Ladybug to go BACK to Walmart to pick up some stuff. I think we got home an hour later. SO tired. So got Hubby his meds and we took a shower and went to bed around midnight. Unfortunately for me I ran out of the medication that helps me not have horrible nightmares. So I did not sleep well at all and was so tired this morning.
Today I was able to take a 3 hour nap though on the couch and then had to take another trip to run errands and I am hoping that tomorrow I can just veg all day. I'm about to go make Hubby some spaghetti and call it a day. Game of Thrones is on tonight and he likes that show. Hopefully I will be able to get more sleep.
I guess this Blog post is mostly about that not everyday is horrible like I may make it seem like in previous posts. Things do go well. Some days I am very happy and others I get very overwhelmed. And that's ok either way. I'm hoping I'm able to take a little time off this week to get things in order before insurance runs out.
So all in all today, was a good day. I wasn't pressured to go out and do things I didn't want to do. I seriously love Hubby and Ladybug. I'm super happy with my kitties, especially Pumperdoodle (real name) because he loves me a lot. Just today he jumped up into my arms while I was standing, from the floor. It shocked me. But will he come to me while I'm sitting on the couch to let me pet him... no. The baby chinchilla kits are doing well. Mama is too. So far everything seems to be going really well.
There are some good days... and today was one of them.
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