I think I've mentioned that I have trouble sleeping. That sounds so mild when you say it "trouble sleeping." My trouble is anything BUT mild. In fact it gets violent and loud at times. You see, I have what they call Hypnagotic Hallucinations. This is when I am going to sleep, within the first 20 to 30 minutes of me falling asleep, I wake up, see my room but also see things that aren't really there. I've seen it all, spiders, boxes falling down on Ladybug, Luggage hanging over my bed, a ceiling fan on high hanging on by one cable, people, monsters, etc. With all that has been going on with Hubby, I've had vivid hallucinations that he's in bed with me but stopped breathing and the vent wasn't working to keep him alive, I've seen him "fall" out of bed and got up out of bed, ran around the bed to see nothing on the floor and realize that he's not here. That being said I've been searching for a long time now, for some type of relief. I'm more of the all natural kind of girl so have been trying Melatonin, essential oils applied on me, essential oils diffused in the room, ingesting the essential oils, warm milk, cold cereal, alcohol and finally have tried meds... again. Anyway I'm on this med right now that seems to help curb them.
However, one day a week or more ago, I was sleeping in my room and I had been waking up every single night for several weeks at least around 10:30 PM every... single.... night. This night, for whatever reason, I had had it. I was DONE with waking up all night long (I would wake at 10:30 PM and go back to sleep only to wake up around 1 AM etc. and on going until it's time to wake up for real). This night I woke up and for whatever reason I started yelling and cursing.... at God. Apparently GOD keeps waking me up in the middle of the night for whatever reason and I was asking him WHY, why do you keep waking me up like this, why at 10:30 PM EVERY night! Why couldn't he just let me sleep through the whole night every so often? I would be happy with just one night per week where I would sleep all the way through. Just ONE NIGHT!!!
It took me a few minutes of ranting and raving at God before I came fully awake and realized what I was doing/saying and I felt pretty embarrassed. I believe I got up, got something to drink, apologized to God and went back to sleep. I really hope that God understands. On another note as I'm thinking back now, I no longer wake up around 10:30 PM, now it's 9:30 PM.... well played God, well played.
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