She stated "I'm not ready and I have told him that but I would like to be prepared for when I am ready."
Ok... So I took her to the doctor and put her on the pill, handed her some condoms and gave her the talk. You know "The Talk" about how she should wait and give this relationship time before jumping into a physical relationship with him.
She said "Yeah, I wanna wait and he says he's ok with it. It's my first time but he's done it before with his ex-girlfriends."
HOLY CRAP that's plural! I know it's not at the same time but Jesus this kid is about 16 years old. Anyway... can we say Man Slut! And he's trying to talk my daughter into it?!?!
OK again, I know she will have sex when she's ready. That might have already happened by now or it might happen today. I understand that there is nothing I can do to stop it. So I have resolved myself to this fact to educate her as much as possible and hope for the best.
That being said, here is what the guy looks like. In an effort to afford privacy and anonymity I shall do my best to describe him and not put his picture up instead.
The guy is over 6 foot tall and very "bulky". He has shoulder length hair that is white on the top crown of his head and auburn the rest of the way down and it looks like it's been at least a couple weeks since it was washed... EVERY time I see him. He has a bottom lip ring. He smokes. On their first official date on Monday (they have been dating for a couple months now but this was a date not just hanging out) Cassie dressed up in a nice green dress, did her hair and makeup in an effort to look nice for him. He.... wore a band shirt.
My main thought is/was "And she wants to possibly have sex ... with that?!?!?!?" She can completely do better. A lot better if she herself would make sure to wash her hair the way she should so it didn't look so greasy all the time, if she would ask me to trim her bangs before they hit the end of her nose so you could see her pretty face and beautiful eyes. Tell me what is the point in putting on eye make up if your hair covers it anyway?
But we have all had those guys that when looking back we think "OMG what was I thinking?!?!"
Ok I can tell you what we were thinking. "I am young and I have no self esteem. This is the best that I can get. No one better will want me. So I will take what I can get."
Now hopefully my girls (all of them have semi poor choices in guys, except Ladybug who really liked a nice little boy in preschool... but I digress) will grow up and realize that they can do better and look for someone better.
Cassie told me a while back that her BF was going to have to move to a town that is about 18 miles and more than 30 minutes away by car. I had such high hopes that this would just be a summer romance (even though it started before summer) and he would move away and they would drift apart and find other people. Then she pops that bubble and tells me:
"Oh no. He is going to be transferring to my school. He is getting his license and will be driving there from Rancho."
What the heck is his mother thinking!?! "Ok I am going to move because I found a cheaper place but I am going to give my son (who has poor grades) a car and gas money to drive back to the city we currently live in so he can go to the same school as his girl friend."
God help us that it doesn't last. There is no way that I would EVER do that for ANY of my kids. It's high school. If it's meant to be they will last through the distance. If it's not meant to be ... they will find someone else.
So anyway, like I said, I have never said anything negative about this kid... to Cassie. I know that would never ever be a good idea. I have tried to get this point across to my husband and I failed. Last night as I am getting Ladybug ready for bed I hear him in the older girls room.
"Cassie. I know you like him and I keep trying to think what bothers me about him. I think it's his hair. He needs to cut his hair. No respectable man would have hair like that. Back when I was young you only had long hair if you were a bum or homeless."
Or something similar to that. While he was talking I was thinking "OMG you are so dumb! Don't do this. Shut up, shut up, shut up!!"
After he was done I called him in the bedroom and shut the door. I told him:
"I know you don't like him and think she can do better. I agree. However, unless you want to push her to sleep with him, then I would suggest you never ever say anything negative about her choice in men again."
We had a long chat were I used that line a couple times. He finally said
"Ok you have got to stop saying that. I think when you say that you need to bite your tongue so hard that a huge chunk comes off. You should only be able to make statements like that once a year."
LMAO! Let's all say it together. Denial!!! If I don't think about it, it's not happening.
Heck I have a 4 year old and I think up til the time I got pregnant my Dad still probably wanted to believe that I was a virgin, but he is a little realistic about things and probably knew I wasn't. I personally think that the mothers that I know are more practical and realistic about the life of their children. Men, are sissies.
I think this Blog has turned out differently than my Husband expect. I don't think I will advise him to read it. He doesn't know she's on Birth Control.
Being a parent (and grandparent) I have learned that the quickest way to have a child stay with a friend, boy or girl, that you don't really approve of is to make negative comments about them. Your child will cling to that friend closer than ever just because you don't care for them. Doesn't matter what reason you give them they will stick like glue. It's better to stay as pleasant as you can and keep communications open so your child keeps you somewhat in the loop. Hopefully, they will soon discover on their own what you figured out right off but were smart enough not to say. Some people just have to learn by their mistakes. Hopefully, they don't have to make the same mistake many times before they learn.
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