Finally a Solution

So yesterday afternoon I FINALLY got a solution.  I had gone through all the horrible emotions of fear, frustration, anger, denial... you know all the layers of impossibility that I couldn't make things right.  That being said.... I found out that in my state I can take Paid FMLA and I would bring home approximately the same amount as it's not taxed.  I felt so relieved that I finally had a resolution that we both would be happy with.

BUT, this morning I found out that I would have to pay more than $500 to my company for my benefits if I were to miss an entire check.  Holy Crap that means I'm paying nearly $1,000 a month for benefits (health, dental, vision, life insurance, pre-tax medical, etc.)  Sweet Jesus and it's not like I can do anything about it NOW and looking back at this year nor would I.  Like I would stop life insurance?!?!  Nope.  If something were to happen I would need that pittance that I would get.  

So although I feel happy that I would get some time off to be able take care of things with Hubby (doctors appointments, eye exam, dental exam, Handicapped placard for the car, etc.) I feel like I might have to work at least two days in that two week period of time to pay for these benefits.  Sigh.... Why can't anything just be simple!??

So in addition to this, last night I tell my very dramatic Ladybug about how I will be able to stay home w/ her Daddy and she FLIPPED OUT.  She was so mad that she too wouldn't be able to stay home.  She threw out how it wasn't fair and I threw back that LIFE wasn't fair.  45 minutes later we both calmed down and was talking about our concerns with him coming home.  You see we both want him to come home, but we are both scared too.  What if he falls?  How will he continue to get better w/ PT?  Where will he practice walking?  How is everything going to work out?  There are too many questions that we don't have the answers to yet.

THEN she was telling me that she didn't want me to tell Hubby (or anyone else for that matter) about when she messes up.   OK ... let's be clear... she's not talking about accidents or mistakes here.  Not like the other day when she was walking w/ a bowl of cold cereal and tripped and spilled it on the carpet (which I did NOT get mad about as it was an accident).  We are talking about NOT doing things she's told me she was going to do, like her daily chores, like folding towels for me or doing dishes, or cleaning up after herself.  She makes these promises and doesn't follow through and it's so incredibly unnerving!!! So I told her that if she didn't want me to express my frustration with her not following through with her word then she shouldn't be doing that then.  It's a never ending battle.  It's a fight that can't be won.  I understand that she doesn't want people to think poorly of her but dang it she's only 11 and these are typical 11 year old things.  I see so much potential in her and I know she can do better if she chooses.  

I know we will struggle but I know we love one another and with that we can do anything.