I'm sure I'm not the only Mom who feels that she's constantly off balance. It's hard to find balance in life in general but with kids... even harder. Lately, especially I feel like I'm struggling to find balance in my life. You see, since this stuff with Hubby happened I'm either working or with him. When I do find time to be home it's mostly chores and cleaning up. I don't have/make time for myself, or friends, or my kids. It's hard to find that balance.
During this trying time since the accident I've had more people than I thought possible reach out to support me. People have donated money, helped with the lawn, bought some of my art stuff, called, messaged and emailed me when I needed it. People ask for updates on everything and everyone and I feel so honored that people still keep us in their thoughts and prayers. I don't think we could have gotten this far without it. But I feel like I have also neglected some people. My days are so much the same and sometimes so exhausting that after I help him with a shower and teeth brushing at night, all I want to do is shower myself and get into bed. I don't want to talk, message, type, email or update anyone. However, I can't do that. People need to be updated and I need to talk, message and do everything I can to be sure that they realize that I appreciate every time they are checking in on me and him.
I guess Hubby might be coming home as soon as next Thursday (a week and a day from today). This is both exciting and scary news. Exciting because, Yeah, who wouldn't want to come home instead of being in a Skilled Nursing Facility or hospital? This will eliminate trips to see him after work and we will have more time at home to HOPEFULLY do other things. Fun things. It's scary because he's still not steady on his feet and I'm afraid he will fall and/or get hurt somehow. I'm preparing as much as possible with cameras, Alexa Dot, and an alert necklace for when I AM home but not in the room he's in. So for now I will keep thinking positive. I'm really hoping he goes to that last rehab place to even everything out and be as prepared as he can be to come home. If he does come home Thursday they will come and do a home assessment first.
So when this all happens a NEW normal will come about. Where I get up in the morning an HOUR before I need to go to work to help him get up and eat and prepare for the day. To figure out what he will have for lunch, to potentially come home for lunch myself to be sure he's eating and ok. To figure out dinner so that we all have a well rounded diet, something I've never been good at. So finding the balance in doing all these things AND finding time for myself, will be tricky. Throw in spending time w/ Ladybug and things are even more tricky. I'm sure we will have our ups and downs as we settle in to our new normal, that's expected, but I hope that overall things are easier.
Balance is a tricky, precarious thing for me. I've never been good on the balance beam myself. Always clutching it with my toes so I don't fall off and end up falling off anyway. But life is full of things that mess up your balance. That's what life is about. Picking yourself up after you fall off. Dusting yourself off and moving forward in a positive way. And that's what I will strive for each and every day. I know, and always tell my kids to think the same thing, that I'm doing the absolute best I can, and at the end of the day, that's got to be good enough.
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