I think I've mentioned that I have trouble sleeping. That sounds so mild when you say it "trouble sleeping." My trouble is anything BUT mild. In fact it gets violent and loud at times. You see, I have what they call Hypnagotic Hallucinations. This is when I am going to sleep, within the first 20 to 30 minutes of me falling asleep, I wake up, see my room but also see things that aren't really there. I've seen it all, spiders, boxes falling down on Ladybug, Luggage hanging over my bed, a ceiling fan on high hanging on by one cable, people, monsters, etc. With all that has been going on with Hubby, I've had vivid hallucinations that he's in bed with me but stopped breathing and the vent wasn't working to keep him alive, I've seen him "fall" out of bed and got up out of bed, ran around the bed to see nothing on the floor and realize that he's not here. That being said I've been searching for a long time now, for some type of relief. I'm more of the all natural kind of girl so have been trying Melatonin, essential oils applied on me, essential oils diffused in the room, ingesting the essential oils, warm milk, cold cereal, alcohol and finally have tried meds... again. Anyway I'm on this med right now that seems to help curb them.
However, one day a week or more ago, I was sleeping in my room and I had been waking up every single night for several weeks at least around 10:30 PM every... single.... night. This night, for whatever reason, I had had it. I was DONE with waking up all night long (I would wake at 10:30 PM and go back to sleep only to wake up around 1 AM etc. and on going until it's time to wake up for real). This night I woke up and for whatever reason I started yelling and cursing.... at God. Apparently GOD keeps waking me up in the middle of the night for whatever reason and I was asking him WHY, why do you keep waking me up like this, why at 10:30 PM EVERY night! Why couldn't he just let me sleep through the whole night every so often? I would be happy with just one night per week where I would sleep all the way through. Just ONE NIGHT!!!
It took me a few minutes of ranting and raving at God before I came fully awake and realized what I was doing/saying and I felt pretty embarrassed. I believe I got up, got something to drink, apologized to God and went back to sleep. I really hope that God understands. On another note as I'm thinking back now, I no longer wake up around 10:30 PM, now it's 9:30 PM.... well played God, well played.
Tuesday, September 4, 2018
Thursday, August 30, 2018
New Rehab and the Frog
So yesterday while we were doing the Home Assessment w/ Hubby and the PT department from the place he's currently residing, I received a phone call from someone else at the place he's residing, stating that she heard back from her doctor and he appealed the decision with the insurance doctor and was able to reverse the decision so Hubby should be able to go to the new inpatient rehab facility!!!! However, the rehab facility hasn't heard from the insurance company so as of this moment (6:45 AM), we still don't know WHEN he will be going. I'm supposed to pick him up from this current place today after work (I get off at 1 PM, need to pick up Ladybug and then will finish packing him up and sign him out). So hopefully we will know before then. However, if not then we will just take him home with us until we do, which Hubby will like too.
So we are looking at a maximum of two more weeks where he will get intensive, three hours per day, rehab, to relearn daily living. He won't be able to leave the facility during this time so no more daytime home visits on the weekend. It's only two weeks so he's ok with this. We also don't know if he will get a private room OR daily showers (which he's now used to). Hopefully I can get the doctors there to complete his disability paperwork soon as well so we can get that started. I can't imagine that he wouldn't qualify at this point, even with how far he has come.
The Hot Jazz Jubilee is this weekend. Normally we volunteers as co-managers for a ballroom for the event, but we had to pull out because of all this. Luckily they were able to get a friend of ours to cover for us this year. This is the first year we've missed it. Hubby loves Jazz music and always wants to attend this and one other festival in the area. That other festival was cancelled this year due to lack of funds so he missed out on that too. The good news is that they are trying to collect donations to help us with our bills. So hopefully something will come of that as well.
I had to turn in my time sheet at work this morning (was supposed to yesterday but since I've been working at 4:30 AM every day I was able to hold off), and I just approved it with time off tomorrow because we just don't know for sure that I won't have Hubby and that he won't be home tomorrow. I figure it's a sign that I'm supposed to rest a bit and relax for the weekend. I have Monday off too and plan to go Sunday to my parents. I'm hoping that my Dad is able to get some wood to make more wooden rounds for Ladybug and I to make into Lazy Susan's. If I can get enough stock then I might be able to attend some craft fairs to sell them. I would love to be able to do that as then it might help the overall business take off. I have little tables and nightstands at the house too to fix up if I wanted to and someone was interested in buying them. It's exciting.
However, I think some of this weekend will be going through the garage to find some music instruments that we can sell and then also determining how much cable we have that Hubby was stocking to sell that as well. Since we don't know when/if Hubby will be able to return to work, hopefully we can get some cash from that. I would like to also organize it a bit but that might be tricky. There are a lot of things in there and I've got my Dad's back (who likely got it from my Memaw) and I can't overdo it or I will be in pain for a while. So I will have to be careful.
OHHH there was a pretty funny thing that happened yesterday w/ Ladybug. So, since I've been coming to work so early so I can do things after my shift, Ladybug gets herself up and ready for the school bus every morning. Anyway she calls me yesterday kinda freaking out.
"You will never guess what happened to me" she says.
Me - "What?" (She's typically overly dramatic and I figured this was a play to get out of school).
"Well I was going into the bathroom to use the toilet and I noticed it hadn't been flushed so I go to flush it and I see a FROG in there!!! So I quickly put my hand in there and rescued him!" She exclaims.
The things that happen in our life are amazing sometimes.
So we are looking at a maximum of two more weeks where he will get intensive, three hours per day, rehab, to relearn daily living. He won't be able to leave the facility during this time so no more daytime home visits on the weekend. It's only two weeks so he's ok with this. We also don't know if he will get a private room OR daily showers (which he's now used to). Hopefully I can get the doctors there to complete his disability paperwork soon as well so we can get that started. I can't imagine that he wouldn't qualify at this point, even with how far he has come.
The Hot Jazz Jubilee is this weekend. Normally we volunteers as co-managers for a ballroom for the event, but we had to pull out because of all this. Luckily they were able to get a friend of ours to cover for us this year. This is the first year we've missed it. Hubby loves Jazz music and always wants to attend this and one other festival in the area. That other festival was cancelled this year due to lack of funds so he missed out on that too. The good news is that they are trying to collect donations to help us with our bills. So hopefully something will come of that as well.
I had to turn in my time sheet at work this morning (was supposed to yesterday but since I've been working at 4:30 AM every day I was able to hold off), and I just approved it with time off tomorrow because we just don't know for sure that I won't have Hubby and that he won't be home tomorrow. I figure it's a sign that I'm supposed to rest a bit and relax for the weekend. I have Monday off too and plan to go Sunday to my parents. I'm hoping that my Dad is able to get some wood to make more wooden rounds for Ladybug and I to make into Lazy Susan's. If I can get enough stock then I might be able to attend some craft fairs to sell them. I would love to be able to do that as then it might help the overall business take off. I have little tables and nightstands at the house too to fix up if I wanted to and someone was interested in buying them. It's exciting.
However, I think some of this weekend will be going through the garage to find some music instruments that we can sell and then also determining how much cable we have that Hubby was stocking to sell that as well. Since we don't know when/if Hubby will be able to return to work, hopefully we can get some cash from that. I would like to also organize it a bit but that might be tricky. There are a lot of things in there and I've got my Dad's back (who likely got it from my Memaw) and I can't overdo it or I will be in pain for a while. So I will have to be careful.
OHHH there was a pretty funny thing that happened yesterday w/ Ladybug. So, since I've been coming to work so early so I can do things after my shift, Ladybug gets herself up and ready for the school bus every morning. Anyway she calls me yesterday kinda freaking out.
"You will never guess what happened to me" she says.
Me - "What?" (She's typically overly dramatic and I figured this was a play to get out of school).
"Well I was going into the bathroom to use the toilet and I noticed it hadn't been flushed so I go to flush it and I see a FROG in there!!! So I quickly put my hand in there and rescued him!" She exclaims.
The things that happen in our life are amazing sometimes.
Wednesday, August 29, 2018
The End of the Beginning
This is likely the beginning of a new life for us, Hubby, Ladybug and myself, at least. It's been a road we've traveled for nearly three months now and it seems both short and long. As I sit here half asleep thinking about everything that has happened and everything that will happen, it's overwhelming to be sure.
I'm thinking about all the people we've met along the way. Both of the Medical profession and just the regular people who were patients or family of patients. We've met some really great people along the way. For instance there was the nurse in the ICU that we had the last couple of days there that was just THE BEST nurse I could have asked for. She helped me clean up Hubby when he was still mostly sleeping/in a coma. She helped me make him look more himself. Made things more normal and taught us how to care for him the way he needed it. She gave hugs when they were needed as well. There was the nurses at the next place we were at, the acute care hospital who cared for him and made us feel like he was the best patient ever and that miracles were happening. There was the Janitor at the Post Acute place that was so horrible (the place not the janitor) who was so honest with everything. There was a man who lived there that was always outside doing a word puzzle book or asleep with a word puzzle book, who Ladybug took a puzzle book to after Hubby was discharged. There is the AWESOME CNA that helped Hubby ONE DAY at the place he's at now that I wish would be his CNA every time she works but isn't. We just clicked her and I. There is the head nurse there too that's made me feel like any issue I have is going to be dealt with quickly. And then there are the patients at this current place, the older people who have lived there, been there a long time and might never leave there again. The older people who seem possibly forgotten by everyone but themselves. There is a guy who made it a point to tell me that he appreciated how much I was helping Hubby. Like it was something that I wouldn't do. There is the woman who calls everyone Ma'am and always asks about the baby (grandson) and where he's at. Then there is the woman who only speaks Ukrainian but who makes it a point to come over to me every day that I am there and talk to me.
The other day she noticed I was tired, I was angry and I was just spent from everything. The lack of information on Hubby's potential move or if he's coming home. The tiresome stuff at work. The lack of help from Ladybug at home with compounded into an argument on the way to see Hubby and left me feeling like I was a failure. It was likely written all over my face. That feeling of failure, that exhaustion. She came over and pulled out a chair for me to sit down in. She held my hand and kissed it. Lord knows what she said and she goes both ways where she can be sweet or just plain mean but she's always been nice to me. I think she likes creating chaos and who could blame her with where she's living and who she's surrounded by (only a few who speak her language) it must be lonely for her. But in our way we have bonded regardless that we don't speak the same language.
I wonder what will happen to these people when we leave. Some of them seem so happy to see us when we come to visit. I'm not going to have the time to go back and see them. I'll be busy with Hubby, Ladybug, work, PT, OT, SP and everything else that will come up. I will miss them in my own way and will wonder about how they are doing.
I just found out that our insurance declined Hubby for the rehab place. Sigh.... OK so at least I KNOW that he's coming home tomorrow. I can plan for that now. I have the home assessment this afternoon and will go to work again at 4:30 AM tomorrow and leave at 1 PM to go pick him up from that facility for the last time, with the exception of when we go back and get his brand new wheelchair. I think we are all three a little scared about this but I know that if we work together we can make anything happen. I will be off work for two weeks following his discharge. During this time we will be going to the Doctor, Dentist, Eye Doctor and establishing PT, OT and ST at the house. We will be finding our schedule, our groove.
Good Lord.... please pray for us.
I'm thinking about all the people we've met along the way. Both of the Medical profession and just the regular people who were patients or family of patients. We've met some really great people along the way. For instance there was the nurse in the ICU that we had the last couple of days there that was just THE BEST nurse I could have asked for. She helped me clean up Hubby when he was still mostly sleeping/in a coma. She helped me make him look more himself. Made things more normal and taught us how to care for him the way he needed it. She gave hugs when they were needed as well. There was the nurses at the next place we were at, the acute care hospital who cared for him and made us feel like he was the best patient ever and that miracles were happening. There was the Janitor at the Post Acute place that was so horrible (the place not the janitor) who was so honest with everything. There was a man who lived there that was always outside doing a word puzzle book or asleep with a word puzzle book, who Ladybug took a puzzle book to after Hubby was discharged. There is the AWESOME CNA that helped Hubby ONE DAY at the place he's at now that I wish would be his CNA every time she works but isn't. We just clicked her and I. There is the head nurse there too that's made me feel like any issue I have is going to be dealt with quickly. And then there are the patients at this current place, the older people who have lived there, been there a long time and might never leave there again. The older people who seem possibly forgotten by everyone but themselves. There is a guy who made it a point to tell me that he appreciated how much I was helping Hubby. Like it was something that I wouldn't do. There is the woman who calls everyone Ma'am and always asks about the baby (grandson) and where he's at. Then there is the woman who only speaks Ukrainian but who makes it a point to come over to me every day that I am there and talk to me.
The other day she noticed I was tired, I was angry and I was just spent from everything. The lack of information on Hubby's potential move or if he's coming home. The tiresome stuff at work. The lack of help from Ladybug at home with compounded into an argument on the way to see Hubby and left me feeling like I was a failure. It was likely written all over my face. That feeling of failure, that exhaustion. She came over and pulled out a chair for me to sit down in. She held my hand and kissed it. Lord knows what she said and she goes both ways where she can be sweet or just plain mean but she's always been nice to me. I think she likes creating chaos and who could blame her with where she's living and who she's surrounded by (only a few who speak her language) it must be lonely for her. But in our way we have bonded regardless that we don't speak the same language.
I wonder what will happen to these people when we leave. Some of them seem so happy to see us when we come to visit. I'm not going to have the time to go back and see them. I'll be busy with Hubby, Ladybug, work, PT, OT, SP and everything else that will come up. I will miss them in my own way and will wonder about how they are doing.
I just found out that our insurance declined Hubby for the rehab place. Sigh.... OK so at least I KNOW that he's coming home tomorrow. I can plan for that now. I have the home assessment this afternoon and will go to work again at 4:30 AM tomorrow and leave at 1 PM to go pick him up from that facility for the last time, with the exception of when we go back and get his brand new wheelchair. I think we are all three a little scared about this but I know that if we work together we can make anything happen. I will be off work for two weeks following his discharge. During this time we will be going to the Doctor, Dentist, Eye Doctor and establishing PT, OT and ST at the house. We will be finding our schedule, our groove.
Good Lord.... please pray for us.
Tuesday, August 28, 2018
The Possibilities Are Endless....
These last nearly 11 weeks have been trying, to say the least, but I've been doing my absolute best to keep thinking positive, to keep searching for the good in life, to keep pushing onward. Because breaking down, wallowing in despair, freaking out, it doesn't help anything. Are you allowed to cry when something bad happens, yes. Are you allowed to keep crying for hours, days, weeks, months, etc., no. You need to move forward, to move on. Even if you don't have kids (which obviously I do) you need to move forward.
That being said, Ladybug has always seemed to be a bit more negative than positive. She doesn't know how to react mildly to anything. It's hard to constantly be the one who is sharing news with her knowing that it's going to be a huge freak out when you do. If I could avoid telling her, I do, but I can't always avoid it and nor should I. She needs to become used to processing bad news now while she's young so she can better cope and deal with things when she's older.
So in addition to trying my very best to deal and process all that's going on in my life, when I do have to tell Ladybug something, it's very difficult for me to let her go on for long because I just want support, even if it's from my 11 year old. I think she should and could be supportive. I have realized that she's just not mature enough for it yet. But then again there are things I can't keep from her because it's going to happen or is happening and she needs to know. It's a never ending cycle.
So I've been thinking that we have this brand new car we purchased in March and we really can't afford the payments at this time, especially not knowing if he will ever drive again. So I tried to take it back to the dealer I bought it from yesterday. I cleaned the whole thing out too in anticipation that I would be Ubering home. I found out that even if they offer me most of my loan amount that I would have to pay the remaining balance immediately. I don't have that kind of money. I'm apparently waiting for the Sales Managers contact at Wells Fargo to call me. Hopefully something can be worked out. I love the car, but I can't afford it. It's like even trying to do the right thing and give it back just bites me in the butt.
THEN yesterday I received a phone call from the new rehab place we want Hubby to go into and they STILL don't know if they are going to take him or not. This was AFTER I signed the discharge paperwork for Hubby at the current place. He can't stay there after Thursday. So I am beyond frustrated with this whole situation as it's keeping my life in Limbo. I can't plan anything because of this. It's frustrating.
But there are so many good things happening as well. We just have to look for them. I was able to get some art done this last weekend. I'm going to do some more epoxy on them so I can get more available to sell. I want to get a table done before the weather turns as well. I have to clean it and sand it. Maybe this weekend I will have time and then Hubby, Ladybug and I can fix it up. That would be fun. I have a vision for what I want and I will continue to reach for it. I'm also hoping this weekend I can go down and pick up some more rounds from my Dad to begin doing smaller rounds for people as well (again we make them into Lazy Susan's, centerpieces, wall art, clocks, etc.). The possibilities are endless.
That being said, Ladybug has always seemed to be a bit more negative than positive. She doesn't know how to react mildly to anything. It's hard to constantly be the one who is sharing news with her knowing that it's going to be a huge freak out when you do. If I could avoid telling her, I do, but I can't always avoid it and nor should I. She needs to become used to processing bad news now while she's young so she can better cope and deal with things when she's older.
So in addition to trying my very best to deal and process all that's going on in my life, when I do have to tell Ladybug something, it's very difficult for me to let her go on for long because I just want support, even if it's from my 11 year old. I think she should and could be supportive. I have realized that she's just not mature enough for it yet. But then again there are things I can't keep from her because it's going to happen or is happening and she needs to know. It's a never ending cycle.
So I've been thinking that we have this brand new car we purchased in March and we really can't afford the payments at this time, especially not knowing if he will ever drive again. So I tried to take it back to the dealer I bought it from yesterday. I cleaned the whole thing out too in anticipation that I would be Ubering home. I found out that even if they offer me most of my loan amount that I would have to pay the remaining balance immediately. I don't have that kind of money. I'm apparently waiting for the Sales Managers contact at Wells Fargo to call me. Hopefully something can be worked out. I love the car, but I can't afford it. It's like even trying to do the right thing and give it back just bites me in the butt.
THEN yesterday I received a phone call from the new rehab place we want Hubby to go into and they STILL don't know if they are going to take him or not. This was AFTER I signed the discharge paperwork for Hubby at the current place. He can't stay there after Thursday. So I am beyond frustrated with this whole situation as it's keeping my life in Limbo. I can't plan anything because of this. It's frustrating.
But there are so many good things happening as well. We just have to look for them. I was able to get some art done this last weekend. I'm going to do some more epoxy on them so I can get more available to sell. I want to get a table done before the weather turns as well. I have to clean it and sand it. Maybe this weekend I will have time and then Hubby, Ladybug and I can fix it up. That would be fun. I have a vision for what I want and I will continue to reach for it. I'm also hoping this weekend I can go down and pick up some more rounds from my Dad to begin doing smaller rounds for people as well (again we make them into Lazy Susan's, centerpieces, wall art, clocks, etc.). The possibilities are endless.
Monday, August 27, 2018
Alexa
For years that Alexa (Amazon) Dot etc. has been out I have been unable to figure out how it could improve my life so therefore, never purchased. My parents have one and although it's kinda fun to ask questions etc. I could look up most of that stuff over my cell phone. That being said, I ordered two w/ some smart light bulbs to assist when Hubby comes home. I'm hoping once he's home alone that if he should need me then he could ask Alexa to call me and it will.
Saturday Ladybug was with Blue at her house and I brought Hubby home to spend the day with me. We installed the transfer pole near the bed in the bedroom and the assist to stand thing on the couch. Then I decided to give the Alexa Dots a try. I set up the one in the living room fairly quick and we played around with it and he's able to make it work (thank God as his voice isn't exactly always clear). I installed one of the light bulbs into the lamp we have there in the living room too. We played around with that for a while and it works. I installed the other Alexa and light bulb in the bedroom. That evening I showed Ladybug that we had it etc. and she proceeded to play with it here and there throughout the evening. Sending messages to me from the living room Dot to my Dot in the bedroom.
Yesterday, I picked up Hubby and we drove to Walmart to pick up our grocery order. We were waiting in the parking lot and I decided it might be fun to mess w/ Ladybug who was home and supposed to be in the living room making sure the cats didn't open or tear the screen door in the living room. So I used the Alexa app on my phone and turned the light on. I waited for a phone call or message but got nothing. I decided to try playing music. Still nothing. I went back to the light part and saw that it was off and turned it on (laughing) and watched as she turned it off. I did this a few more times until the person came out with my Walmart Pick-up order and I assisted them putting it into the car. When I got back into the drivers seat Hubby tells me my phone rang. I didn't have my headset so when Ladybug called me I answered it on speaker phone, trying not to laugh. I asked her what's up. She starts yelling telling me to stop messing with her. I ask her what she meant. She said that Alexa kept turning the light on and the radio on and it was driving her crazy. LMAO. I was laughing so hard she was so annoyed and it was so much fun to torture that child as she tortures me most days as well.
When we got home she was still mad and I was still laughing. All in all I am pretty glad that we got that Alexa. It could be some fun.
Saturday Ladybug was with Blue at her house and I brought Hubby home to spend the day with me. We installed the transfer pole near the bed in the bedroom and the assist to stand thing on the couch. Then I decided to give the Alexa Dots a try. I set up the one in the living room fairly quick and we played around with it and he's able to make it work (thank God as his voice isn't exactly always clear). I installed one of the light bulbs into the lamp we have there in the living room too. We played around with that for a while and it works. I installed the other Alexa and light bulb in the bedroom. That evening I showed Ladybug that we had it etc. and she proceeded to play with it here and there throughout the evening. Sending messages to me from the living room Dot to my Dot in the bedroom.
Yesterday, I picked up Hubby and we drove to Walmart to pick up our grocery order. We were waiting in the parking lot and I decided it might be fun to mess w/ Ladybug who was home and supposed to be in the living room making sure the cats didn't open or tear the screen door in the living room. So I used the Alexa app on my phone and turned the light on. I waited for a phone call or message but got nothing. I decided to try playing music. Still nothing. I went back to the light part and saw that it was off and turned it on (laughing) and watched as she turned it off. I did this a few more times until the person came out with my Walmart Pick-up order and I assisted them putting it into the car. When I got back into the drivers seat Hubby tells me my phone rang. I didn't have my headset so when Ladybug called me I answered it on speaker phone, trying not to laugh. I asked her what's up. She starts yelling telling me to stop messing with her. I ask her what she meant. She said that Alexa kept turning the light on and the radio on and it was driving her crazy. LMAO. I was laughing so hard she was so annoyed and it was so much fun to torture that child as she tortures me most days as well.
When we got home she was still mad and I was still laughing. All in all I am pretty glad that we got that Alexa. It could be some fun.
Friday, August 24, 2018
The Black Cat
We've had this black cat for about 14 years, since The Boy first came to live with us. It was actually HIS cat but she adopted Hubby as her own and so therefore she's still with us even though The Boy is in Austin, TX. This cat started out in our two bedroom, one bathroom apartment back in 2003 (ish), has moved with us to three different houses. She's a short haired, black, declawed cat. She also ONLY likes Hubby, or did, before all this happened. After he was in the hospital it took her two weeks to start coming up to me in the bedroom at night for loving. She lives in our bedroom. The other cats chase her and are mean to her so I keep them out.
Right after she started coming up to me for loving I noticed a bump on her, like a mole. I put it off because, let's be honest, Hubby was more important at the time and I had enough on my plate. Hell the stupid DOG had issues during this that I had to call the vet on but that was severe diarrhea and pooping blood so ... it was a tad more urgent. Last week I spoke to Hubby about this again (we touched upon it briefly before) and he stated that she should go to the vet. So on Monday Ladybug and I took her in. They looked at it and took a sample etc. and we left. I got a phone call a couple days later that went to voice mail and forgot to call back until today and I was told that it is cancerous.
So, savings won't be around forever, disability hasn't kicked in, I have upcoming time where I won't be getting my full pay because I also have to pay my company for my benefits, and now this. I struggle... she's 14 she's kinda lived a full cat life. Some cats don't even make it to this age. I don't have a quote on how much it would be to remove it yet but I can't imagine it would be cheap. Can't I just use that over the counter wart stuff?? It's not attached to the muscle, just the skin.
I can't make decisions until I have the quote so I will do my best not to think about it. I wish I had gotten insurance on her a month ago so this would have been covered but I digress.
Anytime things want to let up for a while, I'm ready.
Right after she started coming up to me for loving I noticed a bump on her, like a mole. I put it off because, let's be honest, Hubby was more important at the time and I had enough on my plate. Hell the stupid DOG had issues during this that I had to call the vet on but that was severe diarrhea and pooping blood so ... it was a tad more urgent. Last week I spoke to Hubby about this again (we touched upon it briefly before) and he stated that she should go to the vet. So on Monday Ladybug and I took her in. They looked at it and took a sample etc. and we left. I got a phone call a couple days later that went to voice mail and forgot to call back until today and I was told that it is cancerous.
So, savings won't be around forever, disability hasn't kicked in, I have upcoming time where I won't be getting my full pay because I also have to pay my company for my benefits, and now this. I struggle... she's 14 she's kinda lived a full cat life. Some cats don't even make it to this age. I don't have a quote on how much it would be to remove it yet but I can't imagine it would be cheap. Can't I just use that over the counter wart stuff?? It's not attached to the muscle, just the skin.
I can't make decisions until I have the quote so I will do my best not to think about it. I wish I had gotten insurance on her a month ago so this would have been covered but I digress.
Anytime things want to let up for a while, I'm ready.
Finally a Solution
So yesterday afternoon I FINALLY got a solution. I had gone through all the horrible emotions of fear, frustration, anger, denial... you know all the layers of impossibility that I couldn't make things right. That being said.... I found out that in my state I can take Paid FMLA and I would bring home approximately the same amount as it's not taxed. I felt so relieved that I finally had a resolution that we both would be happy with.
BUT, this morning I found out that I would have to pay more than $500 to my company for my benefits if I were to miss an entire check. Holy Crap that means I'm paying nearly $1,000 a month for benefits (health, dental, vision, life insurance, pre-tax medical, etc.) Sweet Jesus and it's not like I can do anything about it NOW and looking back at this year nor would I. Like I would stop life insurance?!?! Nope. If something were to happen I would need that pittance that I would get.
So although I feel happy that I would get some time off to be able take care of things with Hubby (doctors appointments, eye exam, dental exam, Handicapped placard for the car, etc.) I feel like I might have to work at least two days in that two week period of time to pay for these benefits. Sigh.... Why can't anything just be simple!??
So in addition to this, last night I tell my very dramatic Ladybug about how I will be able to stay home w/ her Daddy and she FLIPPED OUT. She was so mad that she too wouldn't be able to stay home. She threw out how it wasn't fair and I threw back that LIFE wasn't fair. 45 minutes later we both calmed down and was talking about our concerns with him coming home. You see we both want him to come home, but we are both scared too. What if he falls? How will he continue to get better w/ PT? Where will he practice walking? How is everything going to work out? There are too many questions that we don't have the answers to yet.
THEN she was telling me that she didn't want me to tell Hubby (or anyone else for that matter) about when she messes up. OK ... let's be clear... she's not talking about accidents or mistakes here. Not like the other day when she was walking w/ a bowl of cold cereal and tripped and spilled it on the carpet (which I did NOT get mad about as it was an accident). We are talking about NOT doing things she's told me she was going to do, like her daily chores, like folding towels for me or doing dishes, or cleaning up after herself. She makes these promises and doesn't follow through and it's so incredibly unnerving!!! So I told her that if she didn't want me to express my frustration with her not following through with her word then she shouldn't be doing that then. It's a never ending battle. It's a fight that can't be won. I understand that she doesn't want people to think poorly of her but dang it she's only 11 and these are typical 11 year old things. I see so much potential in her and I know she can do better if she chooses.
I know we will struggle but I know we love one another and with that we can do anything.
BUT, this morning I found out that I would have to pay more than $500 to my company for my benefits if I were to miss an entire check. Holy Crap that means I'm paying nearly $1,000 a month for benefits (health, dental, vision, life insurance, pre-tax medical, etc.) Sweet Jesus and it's not like I can do anything about it NOW and looking back at this year nor would I. Like I would stop life insurance?!?! Nope. If something were to happen I would need that pittance that I would get.
So although I feel happy that I would get some time off to be able take care of things with Hubby (doctors appointments, eye exam, dental exam, Handicapped placard for the car, etc.) I feel like I might have to work at least two days in that two week period of time to pay for these benefits. Sigh.... Why can't anything just be simple!??
So in addition to this, last night I tell my very dramatic Ladybug about how I will be able to stay home w/ her Daddy and she FLIPPED OUT. She was so mad that she too wouldn't be able to stay home. She threw out how it wasn't fair and I threw back that LIFE wasn't fair. 45 minutes later we both calmed down and was talking about our concerns with him coming home. You see we both want him to come home, but we are both scared too. What if he falls? How will he continue to get better w/ PT? Where will he practice walking? How is everything going to work out? There are too many questions that we don't have the answers to yet.
THEN she was telling me that she didn't want me to tell Hubby (or anyone else for that matter) about when she messes up. OK ... let's be clear... she's not talking about accidents or mistakes here. Not like the other day when she was walking w/ a bowl of cold cereal and tripped and spilled it on the carpet (which I did NOT get mad about as it was an accident). We are talking about NOT doing things she's told me she was going to do, like her daily chores, like folding towels for me or doing dishes, or cleaning up after herself. She makes these promises and doesn't follow through and it's so incredibly unnerving!!! So I told her that if she didn't want me to express my frustration with her not following through with her word then she shouldn't be doing that then. It's a never ending battle. It's a fight that can't be won. I understand that she doesn't want people to think poorly of her but dang it she's only 11 and these are typical 11 year old things. I see so much potential in her and I know she can do better if she chooses.
I know we will struggle but I know we love one another and with that we can do anything.
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