Cassie's Surprise

I know I come by my distrust of my teenagers honestly, through my mom.  When I did something that was "wrong" (not sure how else to put it) then it took forever before I could gain back her trust.  That was worse than any other punishment that she could have given me.  But I would never ever ever dream to do something like this after everything Cassie has been through.  Maybe she doesn't understand how worried I can get.  Maybe she doesn't get that when something happens (when she's not where she's supposed to be) I think the worst.  I can't help it...I am a mom.  It's the old adage "Hope for the best but prepare for the worst" that most mothers live by.  It's because I can remember what my mother went through with me (and I was a fairly good kid) that I feel ok with how I feel with my kids, when they do something stupid or wrong.


So, I am sure you are thinking, "Get to the point!  What was Cassie's surprise?!?!?!"  Well, I am getting to that. "Patience is a Virtue."  (I am better than I used to be with being patient but damn it's hard sometimes, I guess I never fully learned that virtue.)


Let me paint the picture.  Today is the day before Mother's Day.  Now last year during this time (right before Mother's Day) I was having a very very very hard time with life in general.  I felt very under-appreciated by everyone in my house.  I was very depressed about it and quick to temper about a lot of things.  To be honest, I felt like leaving with Ladybug and never looking back, but I didn't.  I stayed, I didn't quit, and I am so glad that I did.  Come Mother's Day, my girls and husband did a wonderful job of making me feel liked, loved and appreciated.  I got hand made cards from Blue and Cassie with notes inside (Blue wrote a long one that made me cry).  Pink helped Ladybug make me a card too.  Hubby bought a card and hand wrote a note there as well.  It's almost like that was the best Mother's Day I could have so I don't really expect any other Mother's Day to top that one.  


So Hubby asked me all week what I wanted to do for Mother's Day. I didn't know really.  Yes I wanted a pedicure (did that yesterday, already smudged the paint darn it), wanted to get my hair done (have an appointment for Wednesday), but he wanted to know about going out to dinner or something.  So he lined up Pink as a sitter for Ladybug and we planned for Home Town Buffet, a place that has a multitude of food for every palate.  This morning Ladybug and I went to JCPenny and bought her a dress with a coupon I had for $10 off $10 or more (awesome and my most favorite kind of coupon), then went to Walmart to pick up Sidewalk Chalk, Milk and other things for the house.  After we got home I swept off the back porch, did the dishes, made lunch and gardened for a couple hours before getting ready for my "date" with my hubby.  


Now, I noticed that Cassie had been gone for a while at this point, so I asked Blue where she was.  She said she went for a walk.  I thought, "Ok... whatever" but was kind of worried.  She doesn't have a cell phone so there was no way to get a hold of her.  We left for dinner.  We got back about 2 hours later (hey, when I have a sitter I will take two hours to eat any day) and Cassie still wasn't home.  Now, I know that Cassie has a boyfriend.  She used my cell phone to text her friends and I do what any other mother would do, I read the text messages.  Hey, if she's not smart enough to erase them, then I figure it's fair game!  From reading these text messages a few days before today, I know that she planned to spend some time with said boyfriend (whom I have never met!) this weekend at the park.  I told her earlier in the week that since her grades were still poor and she was missing assignments that she couldn't go out.  I figured she either was having more suicidal thoughts or took off to hang out with the boyfriend thinking I wouldn't notice she was gone.  (How dumb do I seem to you?)


Blue said that she said she was supposed to be back in 20 minutes, two hours or more had passed.  I text messaged her two friends and her boyfriend asking if they knew where Cassie was.  It's funny, she told her boyfriend that she was using her sisters phone, not her mothers, LOL.  What difference does it make?  I got an instant reply from one of her friends saying that she didn't know but would check around and let me know.  (Always have liked that friend!)  I got a reply back from the boyfriend saying that she left to get a Mother's Day gift for me and wanted it to be a surprise.  (OK, that's sweet but Jesus did she have to do it that way?!)  I asked if he knew where she was and when she would be back because she had been gone for a while and I was worried about her.  He told me (texting) that they were at Starbucks and would be bringing her back now.  

OK, so now I know she's with her boyfriend, but got me a present.... what to do, how to act, do I yell, say nothing??  I worked through my frustration with Hubby (to be honest, this has sometimes made me more mad, talking things out with him because he sees things very differently from me.)  I decided that when she got home I would talk to her about this calmly, outside, so Ladybug couldn't hear us (she is very nosy when people are being talked to).  


Hubby told me when the car pulled up, I waited at the screen door.  I noticed that an older woman was driving (that got her points for not being completely stupid and meeting up with him by herself).  Both Cassie and the BF got out and came to the door.  She said "I wanted this to be a surprise.  I got you a $10 Starbucks gift card for Mother's Day."  I wasn't sure what to reply.  I said "Thank you but after your friend leaves we need to talk, ok?"  She said "I brought him here so he could meet you guys."  (Wow again not completely stupid!)  I said, "Oh, Ok, let me get your Dad then."  I told Ladybug, who was watching from the screen door, to get her Daddy.  I went back inside to put a dress on Ladybug (who was getting ready for bed at this time and therefore was just in panties, not exactly the type of outfit she should wear to meet someone.)  We went back outside and talked a bit with the boy.  He's a sophomore and apparently a bit of a loner, he has greasy hair (so him and Cassie match, as Ladybug would say) and dresses in baggy clothes.  I don't know if he's a good kid or not by this first and only meeting, but he gets some points for coming up to meet us, but then again loses some for not meeting us before he took her out.


After the boy left, I sent Ladybug inside to read stories with her Daddy and I took Cassie for a short walk so we could talk.  I told her "I am not angry, I was worried.  You should have told your Dad what you wanted to do so someone would know where you are at."  She said she was sorry, didn't mean to worry me but wanted it to be a surprise.  I am glad for the thought but would prefer not to have the trip in my head that I had when I noticed she was still gone.  


It's not easy being a Step-parent.  I always joke with Cassie that she needs to always refer to me as her "Evil Step Mother".  (Always said with a smile.)  I know how teens think of their parents.  I remember thinking poorly of my parents.  You always figure you will do thing different, better.  And I am sure, as parents, we hope they do learn from any mistakes we make.  Of course, I think I was an adult before I confronted my mother saying "Well your perfect, I can't be like that!"  I figured everything that she had ever done came easy, not that it was years of practice that made it look so easy.  Now we call/email each other when we do something that is particularly stupid, therefore making the other person laugh and feel better about themselves.  I'm still not convinced that new things come easier to her than me, but that's not the point.  


I like that arrangement and can only hope that when my girls do leave (and no Mom, Ladybug will not be the first one of my kids to leave) that they keep in touch with me as often as I do with my mom.  I work hard to be here for them, to nurture, support, and give them the love they deserve.  They better damn well keep in touch when they are grown, have families of their own and need have issues!  I could use the laugh I am sure.  Paybacks, are a bitch.  (Smile!)