We got to the ER at 7:30 on Friday night. I was thinking for sure I was going to be there forever because the waiting room was PACKED. We sat down and Cassie said I looked exhausted (nice of her to notice, even when she was wanting to hurt herself.) She said I could always nap in the waiting room. Nope not that tired yet. Anyway, I was very surprised when we got taken back with in 20 minutes of arrival. She was shown a bed in the hallway and there were three security guards watching her. Cassie and I were joking around together (it's my coping technique). The doctor came and talked with me. She told me that they had to do a physical check (blood, urine, etc.) to make sure she was healthy before they could take her to the facility (if that's what the Psych person wanted). I asked the doctor, "Ok, not to sound cold hearted but how long are we talking about? I was here this morning with my 4 year old at 4 and only had two hours of sleep. Is there anyway to speed up the process?" She said that the Psych person was already called out because there were other cases in there too that needed to be seen and she would do the best she could to make sure that we were seen ASAP. About 20-30 minutes after the doctor walked away another nice lady came up and had some paperwork. She was from Psych and talked to Cassie by herself while I went to the internal ER waiting room (a lot less people there).
They talked for about 15-20 minutes and Cassie was admitted for a 72 hour hold (it's called a 5150) for wanting to harm herself. We went through this same thing with Blue so I am familiar with the procedure somewhat. I am very proud of Cassie. She didn't try to deny needing help (Blue did MANY times when she would tell us that she wanted to hurt herself and die but then would say differently when we got to the ER so they wouldn't take her). I talked to Cassie after we left the doctors (she thought for sure I would be mad) and told her that I wasn't mad but I would be if we got to the ER and she tried to tell them that she wasn't having any problems. (That makes for a very long night when that happens). Anyway, she did great. They kept her and I was walking to my car, talking to my mom on the phone by 9 o clock that night. Not bad at all for a Friday night at the ER. They said they would try to find her a bed.
The next morning while I was getting ready to go to the Memorial for Ladybug's old daycare watcher who died of Cancer after he had fought it off and on for more than 4 years, I called the hospital to find out where they had sent Cassie for treatment. They said she was still there because they hadn't found a place that had a bed available to her. Wonderful.
I had asked Blue to help watch Ladybug for me because Cassie was away (she knew why), my husband and Pink were both working so they couldn't do it and I would never EVER let The Boy watch her. Blue has been in a very bad mood for almost 3 weeks now. I have tried to talk to her to find out why and if there was anything that I could do to help but she said there wasn't anything I could do but then proceeds to stomp around, slam doors and talk angrily to people, especially Ladybug. I didn't want to leave Ladybug with Blue in that kind of mood but thought it was important that I go to the Memorial to support the family and to grieve myself.
The Memorial was ... hard. Although Ladybug has been going to a new daycare/preschool for 6 months, he and his wife were a HUGE part of our lives for 3 years. They were part of the support system that I needed during some very hard times of life with my family and kids. There is a lot I remember about him and it's hard to think about how he's not here anymore. I still haven't told Ladybug yet. I plan to do it today.
I remember when I was younger and went to funerals for older family members I used to giggle throughout the service ... I thought that's how I dealt with grief and death. Somehow that's changed. I wouldn't have thought I would have had as hard a time at this one as I did. But to my credit I went alone, without my husband (he had to work) and just did the best I could. We were told that this was a celebration of life and they didn't want people "crying and blubbering". Yeah that's gonna happen. I think I did OK.
After the Memorial there was a Reception at one of the kids houses. I text messaged Blue to find out how things were going because I wanted to go. All I got was a "FINE". (Angry tone read into that). When I called Hubby, he had come back home and about to leave. He said she was doing fine, watching a movie. So I went to the reception, talked to some of the other daycare moms, we remembered him together and all the things he did for the kids. We talked to his wife who still has the daycare open and looked at pictures, read letters from the family to him. I think it went as well as it could go.
On my way home I noticed I had a voice mail from the hospital. They said they found a bed for Cassie and needed some information to discharge her so they could get her over there. I called back with the info the needed and asked where they were sending her and they said to a hospital in San Francisco!!! I mentioned that was a wee far from here (a 2 hour drive, and I HATE driving in SF). They said they couldn't find a closer bed and we were lucky because if they hadn't had a bed, they would have had to send her to Southern CA. We have to go pick her up.
I talked to Cassie last night after she got there. She said that the drive was long but it was okay. I talked to her again this morning and she said they have group, she has a roommate, they took her shoes (Smile) but that she's doing okay. She has always had problems talking to people, especially in a group but she said she's trying very hard to talk so she can get help. I am very proud of her. She said she misses me, which is funny because if she were home this weekend I probably wouldn't have seen her much, if at all. The older kids in my house usually stick to their room if they are home. I miss her too. I am glad she's doing what she can to get help though.
Looks like Tuesday will be a road trip to SF. Hubby has some jobs in the area so he will work while I do the family meeting and I guess read my book waiting for him to finish his jobs and come pick us up. Not sure how we are going to work that out with picking up Ladybug before 6pm but we will do the best we can. It's all we can do.
On a lighter note. After the Memorial yesterday I went out and did some weed eating (thanks mom for loaning me that weed eater). Then took some pictures. The picture you see at the beginning of this Blog is one of a baby ladybug on a tulip. Turned out pretty good I think. I submitted it to Kodak to see if they will select it for their Kodak Moment for April. You never know.
I did some more weed eating again today (about 90 minutes more) and still have more yet to do. But it's relaxing to me so that's okay. I am sore and tired but in a good way.
I wish that life would lighten up some more. I would like to get a good job (would love to work from home), to know that our lease is renewed for the house, get permission to have some sheep come eat up the weeds in the field around the house, find someone to install the dishwasher (thanks again mom) and put in the counter to top it off, get the bills paid off for good and keep up with them, and have time to just watch the flowers grow, without having the kids be so down, depressed and wanting to hurt themselves. Am I asking for too much??
No comments:
Post a Comment